Does he mean break or break-“up”? Is there a difference?
What on earth does it mean when your boyfriend says he wants a ‘break’ or ‘space?’ Should you should start the grieving process and get used to the idea of having to go out places on your own again? Do you write your relationship off and start looking for someone-else to build a future with? Do you try to act like you’re not bothered and hope this will have him running back? Even though your boyfriend may not say he wants to break-“up”, a “break” often sounds exactly the same and your feelings certainly won’t distinguish the two. You will still feel very hurt, emotional and confused. Don’t fool yourself into thinking it is only a ‘break’ and therefore you are still together. There is no middle ground.
What should you do if your boyfriend asks for a break? – Stand your ground!
Let’s face it, like all females with human emotions, you will want to save your relationship at whatever cost. We build our lives around our relationships. However, fighting to save your relationship does NOT mean going along with your boyfriend’s suggested break and waiting for him to call you back when he is ready to see you again. There are two people in this relationship. Make sure your feelings are known from the start. Our emotions run so high when it comes to relationships that if you don’t vent your frustration and feelings, there is a real chance you will just end up having a break-down. Don’t be put in the powerless position of waiting for him to call you back again. You know you will instinctively go running the minute he decides he wants you. Don’t try to save your relationship by giving him the ‘break’ and ‘space’ he wants. You will only spend the time in emotional agony
If he is not willing to sort through his issues together, then your relationship will not work long-term.
You must make it clear that there are only two options; either you work through the issue and stay together, or you both move on. There is no third option (the ‘let’s be friends for a bit’ option) of technically staying together but staying away from each other. Do not sit around waiting for him to call you back, there are many men out there who would appreciate and love to be with you. Think long-term not short-term and for heaven’s sake, let your boyfriend know exactly how you feel!
Do not get stuck in a rut waiting…take control!
The worst thing you can do in the ‘break’ and ‘space’ scenario is go along with it. We’ve all been there, you look at all your friends and even people walking down the street and they are all in relationships. It is only natural to fear being the odd one out and having to turn up to events on your own whilst everyone else attends as happy couples. Do NOT let this keep you in a circle of waiting for text messages, emails and phone calls. Having to turn your back on this relationship does not mean there is not another boyfriend for you around the corner. Do NOT put yourself through the stress and anxiety of waiting to be called back. Your boyfriend needs to face reality and you need to keep yourself in a powerful position.
Either he wants you or he doesn’t – simple as that
It may seem like reverse psychology but believe me it is true; your boyfriend will address how he feels towards you much more if you give him the ultimatum; a full relationship working through issues as a team, or no relationship at all. If he thinks that you will simply wait around for him until he has made sure there is no-one better out there (I’m sorry, but nine times out of ten, this is the real reason behind wanting a ‘break’), then you must make it crystal clear that you certainly won’t wait around. All relationships get to the stage of ‘make or break’ (usually after around 9 months, though each is different of course), there is no ‘make’, ‘break’ or ‘be friends for a while whilst I decide’. If your boyfriend is at the stage of wanting a ‘break’, you have clearly been together long enough for him to know how he feels. Don’t you dare give him an excuse to go out and assess the playing-field whilst you cry yourself to sleep at night (this is not an exaggeration for many) and have real difficulty focussing on everyday tasks. He will think much more about how much you really mean to him if he knows he risks losing you for good.
He decides to “break-up” – what next?
It will hurt an awful lot and you will find yourself ‘grieving’ for a while as you try to get used to the idea of going out ‘uncoupled’, but trust me, it is much better that your boyfriend made a decision there and then, than for you to have become a nervous wreck waiting for him to make up his mind. If he wants out, fine. At least you haven’t wasted any of your life waiting. Life is short and whilst you are waiting for him, you are missing out other professional and personal opportunities. You came out strong and he’s lost you. You can now either try to get him back or simply move on and look for someone else.
To sum up: the worst place you can be is in limbo waiting to be told you are wanted: do not put your emotions through that. Take control.